there are no rules in college
My “family” really is not a family to me anymore. They leave me alone, they leave when i start a conversation, they prejudge, and they just start spreading rumors behind my back…
Family… yea right. I leave events because of how alone i am in the end. When i eat alone, I get mad and just leave. Honestly, i only go cause of my brother.
I wanna drop everything: my position, my duties, my closest friends. I wanna leave and never come back. I don’t want to be alone anymore. And its funny cause yesterday, i got 7 calls. Not because of if i am okay, or to become a part of my life. But because of where i am and that I have to be where they are. How do I know? I got calls from people who would never talk to me, people who in reality, never cared.
When I talked to my ateh, she finally broke me down and made me realize the reason. I cried, and realized how much this family hurt me, outcasted me. I could honestly say that i hate ALL OF THEM. But there are the few outcasts like me that i respect. The people who don’t leave me alone most of the time, the other outcasts. And honestly, that is about 3-5 people. But everyone else, all of my brothers and sisters, this is for you:
I HATE YOU.
I cry and no one hears. I fall and no one catches me. And if I leave, you will see my hurt.
If we are a family…no I’m not even going to finish that. You know what to do and frankly, i have given up. I DONT want to be there anymore. God will lead me to a better “family” to call my own.
In fact, my life is amazing, but the only being held back because of you people. I am living everyday with an amazing job, and the college of my dreams. And in fact, I found someone who trusts me, who respects me, who never leaves me alone, who makes me smile everyday and every night, a person who is leading me closer to God then any of you could.
Its funny, a “family” that is supposed to lead me towards happiness and salvation is, in fact, leading me no where but towards anger and hatred.
And in the end, I know most, if not all, of you family members will read this. Some will be mad, some will care, some may not even care. But in the end, I don’t want to be contacted by you people. I don’t want to be called or even visited. I’m sorry if you care now and want to do something, because when I cared for each and every one of you…you left me in the dust. So don’t even try to contact me cause I am done. So Goodbye my “family”.
I drew some of my favorite Animal Crossing residents!
Scripture tells us that God is love. He is perfect, and His love is perfect. There is nothing you can do to make God love you more and nothing you can do to make Him love you any less. His love toward you is steadfast; it’s unchanging. His arms are always stretched out toward you, and He is always ready for you to come to Him.
i remember a long while back, i posted a blog about how every member is a piece of my heart. And lately, these cracks have become bigger and the holes become more frequent. The comfort zone has become a home that people do not find action anymore. Right now, i am sick of all of the trying, of all of the doing. Right now, there is no trust. My ideas are simply being ridiculed and my voice does not matter anymore. I was going to leave for a little while, but now I’m just thinking of leaving for longer.
If you really think that forcing me to go because if I do not, my position is on the line, HELPS me to go, then you have made me angry. Angrier then i have ever been before.
I can’t even leave without anyone trusting me anymore. I can trust people to do their things, but no one can trust me. That is just a whole bunch of bullcrap. So now, I’m not going to give any trust anymore. If people can not trust me and what I have to do, then whats the point of giving my trust to people?
So trust in this “family”, just flew out of the window. Thanks a lot.
mmmmm…. i love Mochi.. xD