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Just letting stuff off of my chest….

I am seriously done with everything. Life, School, Sports, Happiness, Responsibility, Sacrifice, Friendship, Being an Influence, Pain, Crying, Lying, Chivalry, Driving, Praising, and even Love.

I’m tired of everything. Faking a smile, laughing at everything, trying to make people notice or even like me. You could say i have Depression. I mean I have noticed it before. I’ve been alone, sad, bored with life, scared, and needy. And to think the one source that takes it all away….i don’t know anymore. I don’t want to live anymore. I don’t want to live or make a name out of myself or do the things i love to do anymore. Cooking is a burden for me. Volleyball just gave me a whole another level of stress on my back. 

Idk, i think about what would happen if i did die, if i just vanished. Of course i know people who would cry, the people who will care, the people who see me as an influence. But why the hell should i continue when really it just ends with me dying. When it ends up with me being forgotten and just a memory in someone’s head. And yes, i know that should be a reason why i should keep living, a reason why i should just continue. But again, i dont care anymore. I mean, im spending my fucking birthday alone, yay.

Life sucks. Being alone sucks. Being happy sucks. Living sucks. Love sucks. 

And Depression, really Fucking sucks.

Cause I Don’t Feel Like Sleeping

1. Post the rules.
2. Answer the questions the tagger set for you then make 11 new ones
3. Tag 11 people and link them to your post.
4. Let them know you have tagged them

1. What’s a sound that you hate? Styrofoam rubbing together… eeeeeeesh

2. Name a dream that you had as a kid. Zoo Keeper.

3. What is the weirdest movie you’ve ever seen? Either Sharknado or Human Centipede.

4. Which fictional character would you marry in a heartbeat? There is no way I could fit every name on here xD

5. Describe your favorite writing utensil. Pen, it makes me feel…official

6. Chicken nuggets or chicken fingers? Nuggets, but i prefer the feet xD

7. If you were given a gift card with $3,000 on it, what would you spend it on? Food, Gas, Dates, Games, LoL (Maybe), or Savings for a resturaunt.

8. What’s the first thing you think of when you read “tomatoes”? Eh, they are alright

9. Lemonade or iced tea? Half - and - Half

10. What is your bedtime attire? Depends on the weather, shorts, sweats, or even the occasional Onesie

11. Do you want to build a snowman? Come on lets go and play? I never see you anymore, Come out the Door? Its like you’ve gone away? We used to be best buddies, and now were not? I wish you would tell me whyyyy? Do you want to build a snowman? It doesn’t Have to be a Snowman? Okay bye?

Do you want to build a snowman? Or ride our bike around the halls? i think some company is overdue? I’ve started talking to the pictures on the wall? It gets a little lonely, all these empty rooms? Just watching the hours tick by? Tick tock? Tick tock? Tick Tock?

lol in general.. sure why not xD

11 Questions:

1. Dubstep or EDM?

2. Which Fictional Universe would you love to live in?

3. Zombie Apocalypse or Being the only person alive after an Apocalypse?

4. Sound that really bothers you?

5. Dancing or Singing?

6. The first thing you would do if you were in an opposite Gender’s body?

7. Diner, Drive in, or Really fancy place?

8. Favorite MMO?

9. Favorite Anime?

10. Relationship with an Anime Character or a Movie Character?


Wong Fu Productions (Wesley Chan): When Five Fell


Wong Fu Productions (Wesley Chan): When Five Fell



there are no rules in college

I’m so done….

My “family” really is not a family to me anymore. They leave me alone, they leave when i start a conversation, they prejudge, and they just start spreading rumors behind my back…

Family… yea right. I leave events because of how alone i am in the end. When i eat alone, I get mad and just leave. Honestly, i only go cause of my brother.

I wanna drop everything: my position, my duties, my closest friends. I wanna leave and never come back. I don’t want to be alone anymore. And its funny cause yesterday, i got 7 calls. Not because of if i am okay, or to become a part of my life. But because of where i am and that I have to be where they are. How do I know? I got calls from people who would never talk to me, people who in reality, never cared.

When I talked to my ateh, she finally broke me down and made me realize the reason. I cried, and realized how much this family hurt me, outcasted me. I could honestly say that i hate ALL OF THEM. But there are the few outcasts like me that i respect. The people who don’t leave me alone most of the time, the other outcasts. And honestly, that is about 3-5 people. But everyone else, all of my brothers and sisters, this is for you:


I cry and no one hears. I fall and no one catches me. And if I leave, you will see my hurt.

If we are a family…no I’m not even going to finish that. You know what to do and frankly, i have given up. I DONT want to be there anymore. God will lead me to a better “family” to call my own. 

In fact, my life is amazing, but the only being held back because of you people. I am living everyday with an amazing job, and the college of my dreams. And in fact, I found someone who trusts me, who respects me, who never leaves me alone, who makes me smile everyday and every night, a person who is leading me closer to God then any of you could. 

Its funny, a “family” that is supposed to lead me towards happiness and salvation is, in fact, leading me no where but towards anger and hatred. 

And in the end, I know most, if not all, of you family members will read this. Some will be mad, some will care, some may not even care. But in the end, I don’t want to be contacted by you people. I don’t want to be called or even visited. I’m sorry if you care now and want to do something, because when I cared for each and every one of you…you left me in the dust. So don’t even try to contact me cause I am done. So Goodbye my “family”.



Taylor understands.

Is that Jaden Smith having a religious experience in the background?


I drew some of my favorite Animal Crossing residents!


Scripture tells us that God is love. He is perfect, and His love is perfect. There is nothing you can do to make God love you more and nothing you can do to make Him love you any less. His love toward you is steadfast; it’s unchanging. His arms are always stretched out toward you, and He is always ready for you to come to Him.

Where is the trust?

i remember a long while back, i posted a blog about how every member is a piece of my heart. And lately, these cracks have become bigger and the holes become more frequent. The comfort zone has become a home that people do not find action anymore. Right now, i am sick of all of the trying, of all of the doing. Right now, there is no trust. My ideas are simply being ridiculed and my voice does not matter anymore. I was going to leave for a little while, but now I’m just thinking of leaving for longer.

If you really think that forcing me to go because if I do not, my position is on the line, HELPS me to go, then you have made me angry. Angrier then i have ever been before.

I can’t even leave without anyone trusting me anymore. I can trust people to do their things, but no one can trust me. That is just a whole bunch of bullcrap. So now, I’m not going to give any trust anymore. If people can not trust me and what I have to do, then whats the point of giving my trust to people?

So trust in this “family”, just flew out of the window. Thanks a lot.